The Freedom Beyond Their Approval

I caught myself doing it again yesterday. Scanning the room for nods of approval after I shared an idea. Checking to see who was smiling, who was frowning. I literally heard myself change my tone mid-sentence when I noticed someone's raised eyebrow.

And I teach this stuff.

The truth is, approval-seeking is hardwired into us. We're social creatures who evolved needing the tribe's acceptance for literal survival. Rejection once meant death. Our brains haven't caught up to the reality that disapproval on a Zoom call won't actually leave us abandoned in the wilderness.

But knowing this doesn't make it easier.

I see it in my clients constantly – successful, intelligent women who still shrink themselves to avoid judgment. Executives who won't speak up in meetings because they're afraid of saying something "stupid." Entrepreneurs who water down their vision to avoid criticism.

The cost is immense. And mostly invisible.

What We Sacrifice At The Altar Of Approval

When we're caught in the approval trap, we hand over the keys to our lives to other people. We build walls of others' opinions around us, brick by brick, until we can't see our own truth anymore.

We exhaust ourselves trying to be who everyone needs us to be.

Think about it – how much energy do you spend wondering what others think of you? Replaying conversations, wondering if you said the "right" thing? Crafting the perfect email to avoid being misinterpreted? Choosing outfits not based on what you love but on what won't draw negative attention?

It's exhausting. And it's stealing your life force.

When I work with clients in my OMMM Inner Freedom program, the first thing we often uncover is just how much of their energy is going toward this constant monitoring of others' responses. Energy that could be spent on creation, connection, or simply rest.

But the cost runs deeper than just energy.

Seeking approval keeps us small. It makes us avoid risks. It has us saying yes when we mean no, staying silent when we should speak, and following paths that aren't truly ours.

It kills creativity. Innovation requires standing apart, seeing things differently. You can't do that when you're desperately trying to blend in.

The Trap Gets Tighter The More You Struggle

Here's what's fascinating about approval-seeking: The more you need it, the less likely you are to get it.

People sense desperation. They can feel when you're shape-shifting to please them. It creates distrust. The human mind is wired to detect authenticity – we all have internal alarms that go off when someone isn't being genuine, even if we can't articulate why.

I experienced this firsthand when I first started speaking publicly. I would obsessively read the room, adjusting my message based on subtle facial expressions. My talks were technically perfect but somehow fell flat. The audience could feel I wasn't fully present – I was too busy monitoring their responses.

It was only when I finally got tired of the exhaustion of people-pleasing – when I reached the "screw it, this is me" point – that my talks began to truly connect. The irony? That's when the positive feedback actually started flowing in.

Because here's the bitter truth: approval follows authenticity, not the other way around.

Finding The Anchor Within

So how do we break free? How do we stop caring what others think when it feels so deeply ingrained?

First, we need to recognize that "not caring what others think" is actually not the goal. That's just rebellion, which is still a reaction to external opinions. The true freedom comes from developing such a strong internal validation system that external opinions lose their power over you.

In the OMMM Free Spirit Program, we work through specific exercises to build this internal anchor. One client called it "finding my own north star." Another described it as "finally hearing my own voice above the noise."

It starts with recognizing the difference between your authentic thoughts and the internalized voices of others. Parents, teachers, friends, society – we carry their expectations within us, often mistaking their voices for our own.

Try this: Next time you feel anxiety about a decision, ask yourself: "Whose voice is this actually? Mine, or someone else's I've internalized?"

Just creating that separation can be revolutionary.

Another practice that helps: Deliberately doing things that might invite disapproval – small acts of authenticity that strengthen your comfort with potential judgment. Wear the outfit that's "too much." Share the opinion you usually keep to yourself. Say no to the invitation you'd normally accept out of obligation.

These aren't acts of rebellion. They're acts of reclamation.

The Unexpected Gift Of Disapproval

One of the most liberating moments in my life came when someone I respected deeply disapproved of a major life decision I made. I had prepared all my justifications, ready to defend my choice.

Then I realized: I don't actually need to.

Their disapproval didn't change my reality. The sun still rose. My decision still felt right in my bones. And I discovered that surviving someone's disapproval without crumbling is incredibly empowering.

This is what we practice in the OMMM Inner Freedom work. Not fearlessness, but the ability to feel the fear of judgment and move forward anyway. Not the absence of doubt, but the strengthening of self-trust that can stand up to doubt.

And here's what happens when you start this journey: You find your people. The ones who are drawn to your authentic self, not the carefully constructed version designed to offend no one.

You discover your true work – the contributions only you can make when you're not constrained by fear of judgment.

You find your voice – not echoing what you think people want to hear, but expressing what needs to be expressed through you.

Most importantly, you reclaim your energy. The mental and emotional bandwidth that was consumed by approval-seeking becomes available for creation, connection, and joy.

And isn't that the ultimate freedom? The space to be fully, messily, gloriously yourself?

I'm still working on this. Daily. I still catch myself scanning the room sometimes. But now I can smile when I notice it. I can gently bring myself back to my own internal compass.

Because I've tasted the freedom beyond approval. And it's worth every uncomfortable moment of growth it takes to get there.

The question is: Are you ready to begin that journey?

Katie Kaspari,

CREATOR. Author, Writer, Speaker.

MBA, MA Psychology, ICF.

Scaling PEOPLE through my Unshakeable People Club.

www.katiekaspari.com/join

High Fly with Me. ♥️