Stop Apologizing For Putting Yourself First
- Katie Kaspari
- 6 hours ago
- 4 min read
I spent half my life apologizing for taking up space.
For having needs. For setting boundaries. For saying the dreaded two-letter word that felt impossibly heavy on my tongue: No.
Even now, after years of personal work and guiding others through their own transformations, I sometimes catch myself slipping back into that familiar pattern. That twinge of guilt when I choose myself. That whisper that says I'm being selfish.
Sound familiar?
After my divorce – that messy, life-shattering experience I went through before founding Kaspari Life Academy – I realized something that changed everything for me. The guilt I felt for prioritizing myself wasn't actually mine. I'd been carrying other people's expectations, other people's definitions of what makes someone "good" or "worthy."
I'd become a collector of obligations, wearing them like heavy medals of honour.
We Don't Start This Way
Watch any toddler and you'll see a master of self-prioritization. They eat when hungry. Sleep when tired. Play when curious. Express exactly what they want without hesitation.
Then something happens.
We learn that "good" people put others first. Always. That our needs matter less. That taking care of ourselves is somehow selfish.
We absorb these messages from family, from culture, from those Instagram quotes about sacrifice being the ultimate virtue. We learn to ignore our own hunger – literal and metaphorical – to feed everyone else first.
And we break.
I see it in my clients every day. The exhaustion. The resentment. The quiet desperation. The frantic search for permission to finally, finally put themselves on their own priority list.
The Freedom Equation
When I created the Inner Freedom level of my OMMM program, I started with this fundamental truth: You cannot give what you don't have.
Putting yourself first isn't selfish. It's mathematics.
Think about it. When you fly, the safety instructions are clear: put your own oxygen mask on first. Not because you're more important than your child or the elderly person next to you. But because if you pass out from lack of oxygen, you can't help anyone.
The same principle applies to your entire life.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give meaningful attention when you're exhausted. You cannot offer genuine support when you're depleted.
And yet we try. God, how we try.
The Guilt Is a Feature, Not a Bug
Here's what I've learned working with hundreds of people trapped in the obligation cycle: the guilt you feel isn't an unfortunate side effect. It's actually the mechanism that keeps the system running.
Guilt is the guard that pushes you back into line when you try to escape.
The system needs you exhausted. It needs you saying yes when you mean no. It needs you believing your value comes from what you give others rather than who you are.
Because people who prioritize themselves become dangerous. They start asking questions. Setting boundaries. Making choices based on their own well-being rather than external approval.
They become free.
Your Freedom Practice Starts Here
In my OMMM Inner Freedom program, we work through exercises that systematically dismantle the guilt response. But you can begin right now, with this simple reframing:
Your needs are not optional features.
Read that again.
Your needs – for rest, for joy, for space, for passion, for peace – are not luxuries to be indulged only after everyone else is satisfied. They are essential requirements for your existence.
When you ignore them, you're not being noble. You're slowly destroying your capacity to truly give, connect, and contribute in meaningful ways.
Start small. Pay attention to the moments when you automatically say yes. Notice the physical sensation of guilt when you consider saying no. Breathe into that discomfort instead of immediately trying to escape it.
Ask yourself: "Whose voice is this in my head? Whose standard am I trying to meet?"
Often, you'll discover it's not even your own.
The Permission You're Seeking
One of my clients – let's call her Sarah – came to me exhausted from being the perfect employee, perfect mother, perfect friend. She was running on fumes and secretly resenting everyone she was trying so hard to please.
When I asked what she was waiting for – what would make it okay for her to finally rest – she burst into tears and said, "Permission."
But permission from whom?
That's the question that changed everything for her. Because there was no authority figure standing by, clipboard in hand, waiting to approve her self-care application.
The permission had to come from within.
Today, Sarah has established clear boundaries at work. She's taught her children that mom having needs doesn't mean she loves them less. She's discovered that real friendship thrives with honest yes's and no's.
Most importantly, she's stopped apologizing for taking care of herself.
The World Needs Your Fullness
When I started Kaspari Life Academy after my divorce, I made a promise to myself. I would help people become free – not just theoretically, but actually free from the constraints that keep them small, exhausted, and disconnected from themselves.
Because here's what I know for sure: The world doesn't need more depleted people dragging themselves through obligations.
The world needs you at your fullest capacity. Rested. Nourished. Connected to your own wisdom. Making choices from abundance rather than depletion.
That's not selfishness. That's sanity.
And it starts with the simple, revolutionary act of putting yourself first – without apology, without explanation, without the crushing weight of guilt.
Your freedom is waiting. No permission required.
CREATOR. Author, Writer, Speaker.
MBA, MA Psychology, ICF.
Scaling PEOPLE through my Unshakeable People Club.
High Fly with Me. ♥️
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